Sunday, March 30, 2014

Notes from the Field: Coto Brus, Costa Rica

Costa Rica.  Back from a day spent in the Coto Brus canton, the county in which our Las Cruces Biological Station is located.  We sit in the dinning hall of our field station discussing the insights and ramifications of what we saw and experienced today.  The small group I am with consists of several board and staff members and most of us are amazed and somewhat surprised by what we learned.  Our focus has been and continues to be on tropical biology, but the “real world” issues presented today are suddenly vividly before us, no longer world away but rather just a few kilometers down the road within the canton.

Earlier that morning.   We drive past the upscale regional hospital and into the hustling streets of San Vito, the judicial seat of the Coto Brus canton.  On a side street we stop at an open garage/warehouse and get out of the small bus we call a coaster.  We stand on the edge of the street, and I look for a medical facility or even a doctor’s sign, but nothing catches my eye.  Instead, I see my host leading our small group into the garage/warehouse tight against other storefronts and warehouses lining the street.  I realize, then, in following the group down the cracked cement drive and into the open room in front of us that this garage has been converted into a medical clinic.  The room in which we gather together, as the sounds and fumes of cars pass by out on the street, is a waiting room with cheap plastic chairs in a semi-circle off to the side; it is also a loading area for the clinic’s activities with boxes and paraphernalia scattered on the floor.  Posters on the wall are in Spanish and another language I don’t recognize (the language of the Ngobe Bugle Indians, I am told), but I don’t linger to study the words and instead join our group who I can see are feeling very much like outsiders clustered together while our host talks to a receptionist behind a small desk near the plastic chairs.  Heavy set women, Indians in long colorful but well-worn dresses, men in tired t-shirts and faded blue jeans are staring at us as we stand in the room; the men appear to be smaller than most Costa Ricans, but have a look of having lived several lifetimes.  The women with their long black braided hair and dull lifeless stares, sitting in the chairs or standing to the side, provide no sense of hospitality or friendliness, and, when we are led by an assistant further into the warehouse, past several makeshift offices to a conference room in a back corner of the building, the Indian women follow us with their humorless eyes, neither questioning why we were there nor embarrassed to be openly watching us. 

The conference room is defined easily by the old cement blocks of the building’s two outer walls and the thin timber framing of the two inner walls, which, within the room, are covered with maps of the Coto Brus canton.  The room itself has one long table surrounded by more plastic chairs.  On the table is a power point projector facing a screen on one of the inner walls.  The overhead lighting is not that bright, but strong enough for us to study the maps after the assistant departs. One map, in particular, depicts the mountainous county, or canton, of Coto Brus with numerous coffee plantations identified with gray squares.  It is clear from the map there are not many roads leading to the plantations and the towns and villages are somewhat isolated from the regional hub of San Vito, the largest town in the canton.  I count sixteen different Red Cross markings mostly in the towns but some near the more-distant coffee farms too.

A rustle outside the door takes my attention, and it opens with two Costa Rican men entering the room. The one who is clearly in charge, steps up and introduces himself as Dr. Pablo Ortiz: he is the head doctor of the region and the man we have come to see.  Dr. Ortiz is likely in his early sixties, he is not a tall man, slightly overweight, but not obese; he is wearing an open, short-sleeved shirt with a red-checkered print that appears both lightweight and comfortable; he has a close, reddish-beard and a friendly face; his eyes are alight with laughter from, I suspect, many well-told stories. Fortunately, he has an excellent command of English, and he is both charming and gracious as he introduces himself to each of us in our party. 

The second man, Dr. Ortiz explains is the number two doctor in charge of the clinic, but he tells us his English is limited.  This man appears to be about ten years younger and, though we are told his name as each of us shakes his hand, I quickly forget what he said and focus instead on Dr. Ortiz who is looking at the map we were studying.  The second doctor moves over to the projector and begins connecting it to his laptop. 

Dr. Ortiz invites us to sit in the yellow plastic chairs around the table and says his clinic is charged with providing health-care services for the undocumented, migrant Ngobe Bugle Indians crossing out of Panama to pick coffee in the region’s surrounding plantations.  The number of migrants entering Costa Rica for the harvest season starting in late October is substantial, likely, nearly 200,000 people, and during the coffee season, which typically runs through March, the canton swells to a population doubled in size.  In truth, his doctors don’t know exactly how many Indians come into Costa Rica, he tells us, as the border between the two countries is fairly open, and the Gnobe Indians not crossing at the three points-of-entry between the two countries, can walk into Costa Rica without any official papers anytime on trails through the farms abutting the boundary or through the unexplored forest protecting the upper watersheds of the Talamanca Mountains.  This reserve is an international park Costa Rica shares with Panama, known as La Amistad, and is the largest protected area in Central America. 

As a result of the relatively open border, Dr. Ortiz says simply, providing health care services for the migrant Indians is a significant challenge.

Dr. Ortiz proceeds to narrate a power-point presentation his colleague has prepared for us. It isn’t long before we realize that the slides are showing us the horrific working and living conditions of the Ggobe Bugle people, with the laws of Costa Rica overseeing their welfare frequently ignored: children in the field by six-years-of-age, adults working seven-days-a-week from sunrise-to-sunset, no social services provided for the children by the farmers or any governmental agencies, pregnant teenage mothers picking coffee until they go into labor, and everyone living in horrid shacks, called “batches.”  Dr. Ortiz says the sanitary issues on these farms is appalling, yet often the Indians cross the border not just to earn their annual income picking coffee but also to take advantage of Costa Rica’s national health care system.  Even so, his doctors are seeing a 50% child mortality rate with average families consisting of 4.6 children.  Between unmarried mothers, alcoholism, child and wife abuse, tuberculosis, HIV, and parasitic-diseases of one sort or another, it is difficult to reach the Indians with the health care services available to them and, when they do, often the Indians don’t trust what his doctors and nurses have told them.  The simple medicines and training that might prolong their lives or allow them to live easier lives, though now available to them in the canton, such as through his clinics, are out of reach both physically and psychologically through distance and distrust. 

Soon we are engaged in a vivid two-hour discussion with Dr. Ortiz and his colleague pointing to county maps, highlighting recent statistics, and describing in detail what their doctors, nurses, and aides are doing to combat the very real problems facing the Gnobe Bugle.  The doctors, paid by the government of Costa Rica, are brutally honest with us and end their presentation with a request for our organization help them work with the Indians.  “Even such simple matters,” says Dr. Ortiz, “as teaching the Indians how to use condoms or why they should wash their hands coming out of the fields would make a difference.” 

 “- Let alone,” he says, “helping the Indians look for the symptoms of malaria, dengue fever, Tuberculosis, and ringworm within their families.”  

Dr. Ortiz ends his presentation with a statement about the black rubber boots we have seen Costa Rican farmers wear throughout the country; the same rubber boots our own researchers and their field hands employ in the forest at our research station: “If only we can provide Indians with rubber boots,” he laments, “it would be better than them wearing their thin sandals and having their children go barefoot.”

“Why,” I ask.

“Parasites,” he responds, shaking his head, “from the soil in the fields.”  

Afterwards, before leaving the conference room, the small group with whom I am traveling take up an impromptu monetary collection between us for the doctors, and though somewhat embarrassed at how little money we are able to raise between us, we give Dr. Ortiz about $120 dollars to continue the clinic’s work, promising him we will do more when we get back to the States.  He is gracious in accepting our unexpected gift and says he will give it to his colleague who will put it to good use.

Back on the street after walking past the openly staring Indians in the waiting area, we marvel at how little we knew about the canton and the ongoing health care crisis being fought on a daily basis from farm to farm.  Our research station over the years has focused, rather, on biodiversity issues and restoration ecology; after all, we are a conservation organization that has spent more than thirty years in Coto Brus establishing a permanent station for scientists and students to conduct research on the impact of the fragmented forests of the region – fragmented due to the county’s two historic activities: growing coffee and raising cattle.

I have been told that as late as the 1950s, much of Coto Brus was a mountainous highlands covered in forests.  The Costa Ricans who chose to live in this area before then, like the homesteaders in the U.S., carved their niche out of the forest and lived relying on their own resources.  In fact, the stories of the incredible struggle that people in this region would go through to get outside supplies or receive medical care, such as for broken bones, gashes, various illnesses, or problematic births, are oral histories of tremendous hardship, with mules and wagons with large wooden wheels carrying the injured or the infirmed miles down narrow mountain passes to the Pacific lowlands where bush pilots, radioed ahead, could land their small planes and fly their sick passengers to the hospitals in San Jose. 

I am told too that many of the family-owned coffee farms established in the Coto Brus canton between the late 1800s and the mid-1900s was on land given to them by the Costa Rica government; land offered to the coffee families of the central valley near San Jose simply to stop Colombia, prior to the creation of Panama, from claiming more and more of Costa Rica’s southern border.  It was during this period when the relationship between the plantation families and the Gnobe Bugle Indians began.  The Indians willingly and in mass moved north each year to pick the red coffee bean   

After World War II, in the mid-1900s, the government of Costa Rica made a concerted effort to open Coto Brus beyond the coffee farms.  The United Fruit Company at that time was exploiting Costa Rica’s southern Pacific lowlands growing banana and palm oil for export, and with a large shipping port in Golfito coming into its own, a labor force was needed to handle the expanding agricultural activities of the south, and, importantly, to extract the valuable hardwood timber of the southern highlands. 

I read somewhere that giving the land to displaced Europeans as a way to populate area (and cover up the harsh impact of the logging) proved to be irresistible to thousands of Italians who moved into the Coto Brus canton.  However, by the late 1960s, the logging companies were gone, the Italians had settled into an economically depressed area, and the canton was reduced to a patchwork of coffee fields held by a few families, degraded pastures available to all, and the landless seasonal passing of the Gnobe Indians. 

My organization’s focus beginning in the early 1970s was to study the impact of the changing ecosystems of the area.  No one in our organization had ever looked into the plight of the indigenous people of the south.  Rather, we knew about the impact of landscape changes on moths and butterflies and the role of bats as pollinators, but not about the large and historic role the Gnobe Bugle Indians play in the canton.               

Our coaster pulls up to the sidewalk and we climb on board.  Our day is not nearly done.  Soon we leave the little town of San Vito and are driving deep into the canton, well off the primary roads.  I can see it is clear we are in coffee country as acres of coffee bushes cover the hillsides on both sides of the road.  It isn’t long before I realize too we are on private land and the coaster is taking into the heart of one long-established coffee plantation.  We drive past the coffee production barns and up to a beautiful Swiss-style manor with flower boxes full of blooming colorful flowers and gorgeous flower gardens beside the vehicle on both sides of the lane. 

The plantation owner, a heavy-set man in his late 50s or early 60s has been waiting for us: he drives up to the coaster in his green four-wheeler and jumps out of the vehicle.  He introduces himself as Roberto Montero and is very gracious in welcoming us to his farm.  He has a large belly that is barely contained within his white shirt, tucked tightly into his pants.  He has a short beard and is wearing a baseball hat promoting Peru, which he said he just visited for several weeks.  His eyes too are full of fun and vigor, and from his demeanor, it is clear he is the man in charge.  Unlike Dr. Ortiz back in San Vito, Sr. Montero is less concerned about introductions and, as we surround him, he quickly explains that his great-grandfather established the family’s 700+ acre farm.  The farm abuts both the open border with Panama, which he points to the forested hills southeast of us, and La Amistad, which he turns and points to the forested hills to the north of us, but, from what I can see as I turn 360 degrees, all the hills surrounding us are forested in a thick, dark shade of green – while immediately before us, contrasting against the lighter-green yard, is a potpourri of birdlife and plant-life thriving within a colorful collage of shapes and movement. 

Sr. Montero assures us he is the largest organic coffee farmer in the region and is very proud of his exceptional, shade-grown, organic coffee currently being sold throughout the U.S.  However, with the coffee season recently completed, his migrant pickers have moved further up into the central valley to pick the fields there.  They will return to Panama later in the spring.  His permanent workers at the farm, rather, are producing dried fruit: bananas, mangos, pineapple, etc.  In fact, he says, he has a huge contract with the U.S. company Costco which requires everything to go “right” in generating the necessary fruit to meet his new obligations.  He tells us he isn’t worried though, as he loves the pressure.  His workers, he says, are very loyal and will help him meet this challenge.  

His farm, he explains, is self-contained: he has his own hydro-electric plant, school for his workers children, church, grocery store, and the mandatory soccer field and no one gets onto his property without his approval.  He is both the “mayor and the “town planner,” and the “judge and the jury.”  In fact, he assured us, government officials rarely come to inspect his operation.  A board member in our group asks him about the working conditions of the Gnobe pickers and their children and his eyes arch upward.  He says authorities have talked to him, but he has told them that the Gnobe children don’t work in the fields; they come across from Panama with their families to play and vacation from school.  There is no need for inspections.  His workers, he stressed, whether local Costa Ricans, permanent Gnobe Indians who have chosen to remain in the area year-round, or the migrants, documented or not, want as much work he can give them, and, as a result, they make more money on his farm than they would doing almost any other job in Coto Brus, the second poorest county, he reminds us, in Costa Rica.    

With that, he suggests we take a tour of his dried fruit factory down the hill below the manor.  The coffee season is over, but the dried fruit business never ends.  Sr. Montero opens a door for us along the side of an old red barn, and we enter large semi-sanitized rooms with what appears to be hosed water covering the floor.  “Walk carefully,” he says and tells someone in Spanish to squee-gee the floor in front of us.  Quickly workers appear who push away the standing water.   

We walk past rows of Costa Rica women standing on both sides of a long assembly line wearing white rubber boots, white surgical masks, and white hairnets.  They are cleaning tray after tray of baked bananas: removing sticks and peels from the recently cooked fruit, cleaning the trays so that only the dried banana remained.  Men in another room, we see further on are wearing the same white-colored masks, hairnets, and boots; they are taking hundreds of fresh bananas out of boxes, removing their peels, and slicing the fruit into bite-size pieces.  These pieces, subsequently, are spread out onto trays and stacked into large carriers to be rolled into walk-in ovens and baked for the women to clean. 

All of the dried bananas, once thoroughly cleaned, explained Sr. Montero, are stored into thousands of large bags in a deep container, eight of which are required to be filled each month to satisfy the Costco contract.  The large containers, Sr. Montero said, will be trucked to Golfito and shipped to San Francisco where they will be inspected again before being bagged into colorful individual-sized bags and sold in Costco stores throughout the U.S.

This had turned into a year-round business for him, he says, and requires thousands of boxes of bananas, pineapples and mangos to be trucked from the lowlands to his plantation in Coto Brus, where hundreds of his workers put in twelve-hour shifts six-days-a-week to meet the contract.

“When coffee season is in full swing, it must be crazy here.” I comment.

Sr. Montero laughs and says I should come back next fall when the coffee plant is operating at capacity and the dried fruit plant will be running full as well.  The number of pickers, workers, trucks, and containers will be mind-blowing.  “You can join us!” he says enthusiastically, adding as the gracious host that he is in opening his farm to us: “But for now, let us go enjoy the lovely lunch I have had prepared for you in the manor.” 

We are hungry and agree.  The workers watch us as we walked past on their wet and slippery floor; their black pupils, like large empty saucers, staring lifeless between the white hairnet and the mask. 

Whether or not Dr. Ortiz and the government-employed health-care workers can get onto the property to talk to the undocumented Gnobe Indians, let alone the workers, is a question I want to ask, but instead, I choose to keep this to myself.  At the time we are being served a four-course lunch looking out over a beautiful yard of bougainvillea framed against a mountainside of dark-green, primary forest; I can smell the rich fragrance of tropical flowers through the open windows of the manor and feel the light breeze.  Rather, with our pockets empty from our meager collection earlier that morning, an uneasiness tempers our appetite as we listen to Sr. Montero mention how much he likes the new pope who will bring the Catholic faith back to the people, how priests rotating through the area give mass in his church once every two weeks, how much he prizes his four Lipizzaner Stallions he will show us later that afternoon, and how he looks forward to his upcoming month-long trip with his wife and friends to Easter Island.

****
           




Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The White Whale (with a Wink and a Nod to Melville)

Aye, mates, gather around, and I’ll tell ye my tale: t’is the story of a doomed crew that shipped out to capture and kill a terror of the seas.  Barkeep, hand me a mug of your finest, and ye lovely lasses put yon babes to bed.  Come hither, my sea-fearin’ friends, we make no merry music tonight, but we'll let the slow songs of man’s fragility and sad songs of man’s mortality entertain us instead.

In the winter of eighteen-fifty and, maybe, nine, we set out a’whalin from Beaufort in the Caroline's; the crew, a sadistic bunch of bastards from Durham who were looking for work and adventure, and, most importantly, to return triumphant with a ship’s hold full of bounty in oil and black blubber – aye, such riches, my friends, as to light yonder wicks and grease, to be sure, the grimy engines of prosperity in the sweat-filled factories of our great cities. 

Months into our fatal voyage, after crossing the angry, snow-capped seas of the Atlantic and fighting the thunderous storms off the African Horn, we were sailing in the southern seas miles between the Japanese islands and the Antarctic doing what we did best: killing whales with our deadly harpoons and iron lances, cutting the skin of the corpses into long black slivers, and stuffing our wooden barrels full of their oily flesh – when, my friends, what did we see?  Off on the horizon the great White Whale’s prominent spout, a stream of cascading water ascending into the heavens, then, falling like an shimmering avalanche back into the ocean. 

“Thar see blows!” was the lookout’s cry from the main masthead.  “Thar she blows!”

Immediately we cast away our unfinished carcasses and set sail for the dying sun; slowly our ship tracked him down, closing the leagues between us while we prepared our boats for the next day's attack – reveling in the untold wealth that creature’s oil and black gold would bring us.

Later that night, on a bright starlit, undulating plane, we watched amazed as the majestic whale breached high into the ocean air, silvery, silent, and supreme.  When it splashed thunderously back into the sea, creating deep, expanding waves that tossed our ship about in the warm ocean current, our Captain knew for certain it was him, his mortal enemy.

"Aye," said he, "this was why we have come; oh ye men of Durham, we will destroy that horrible beast and together we'll eat his foul heart and drink his rancid blood for our dinner come the morrow." 

T’is said the captain was cursed; he hated the great sperm whale and would have pursued him to the ends of the earth if such horrific voyages were needed.  He had fought the gigantic fish three times before and had scars a plenty from those attacks.  In fact, a line thin and pale as death crossed his face from one such incident and seemed to separate his eyes from reality; aye, he had lost all of the previous fights and blamed his crews for their timidity; now he had men selected from the mean streets of Durham who would, once and for all, exterminate him. 

At dawn, our boats, three in all, loaded for pitched battle, were lowered from the ship into the ocean and their sails raised; simultaneously the rowing began; ten in each boat, we men of Durham pulled on our oars slicing through the sea’s heavy swells as we moved out to meet the sleeping monster; the captain in the foremost ship leading our way, his heathen harpooner, still as a poised dagger and with a soul as black as night, waited in anticipation for his one and only chance to dart his razor-sharpened iron deep into the white whale’s formidable hide. 

Ghastly black sharks churned after us in the wake of our boats, growing excited and biting at each other and our wooden oars slicing through the water, all in anticipation of an inevitable feast – either of man or whale, it mattered not to these piranhas from hell.

When we arrived where we thought the whale had been, the monster was nowhere to be seen.  A shout from afar from the ship’s masthead and a downward motion of the lookout’s arm, told us the fearsome fish and had dove deep into the depths of the ocean.  Our deadly wait began – watching the quiet water around us, sitting silent, oars in hand, the captain and the harpooner standing with their cursed harpoon and cruel lance searching the sea.  A whale, they say, can stay under for only one hour before his need to breathe, so we sat fixed on the moment and thought not of praying, as God had never been with any of us men of Durham, and Satan, an old foe, sat laughing at the coming show on the raised gunwale of our captain’s death-delivering vessel.      

Soon we heard a low hum from deep in the ocean and saw the waters swell and bubble to the surface, raising our boats with a surging thrill.  Suddenly, the vicious whale was upon us, attacking our resting boats from the depths of the sea.  His flat, enormous, white head lifting one boat high into ocean air and flipping it over and over as it smashed back into the now violent water, with men and lances, harpoons and rope, tossed across the riotous surface – the black sharks quickly slashing at the floundering crew, sending them to hell in bits and pieces.   

The harpooner in the other boat stood and threw his mighty harpoon at the powerful whale, while his boat’s crew grabbed at the screaming lads struggling in the ocean.  The harpoon sliced the whale’s side as the fish turned and churned through the waters, tail whipping at our remaining boats trying to keep a float, but the deadly harpoon had been thrown too soon!  It didn’t hold fast to the whale’s hide, creating a bloody gash as it fell away, sinking into the boiling sea; the harpooner heaved at the rope, pulling the lance back to the vessel for a second attempt to dart the monster.

That attempt, though, would never be seen, as the whale’s powerful tail, raised high in the ocean swell, landed with unequivocal force square on center of the boat, smashing the wood, splintering the sides and the bottom planks, separating, in a grievous half, the stem from the stern; heartless men swamped and swallowed in the stormy, shark-filled sea.    

“Row, men!” screamed the crazed captain.  “Bring me alongside this foul and bloody beast.  Row like your lives depend on it!  Row as ye have never rowed before.  The fish is ours, men, if only we can get alongside him.  Aye, your captain holds his death hard in my hands and will see this whale in hell before this hour’s end.”
  
We rowed like the black fiends of Satan now were chasing us – both to kill the fearsome fish and to keep its cruel water-thumping tail from turning our boat into an explosion of aggravated splinters and we men of Durham into the sharks’ main course for dinner.

With an upward swell, suddenly we were above and alongside the whale.  The cruel captain shouted for us to hold steady as he and the harpooner raised high their deadly tools above theirs heads and simultaneously sank their sharp and solid shafts all the way down to the eye-socket into the unprotected hump of the unsuspecting whale, sending surging blood pouring out of the fish like a red river.  The monster groaned and immediately rolled in horrible pain towards us in the bloody ocean, pushing our boat into a large and cresting wave, nearly swamping our vessel with the foaming sea. 

The great fish flew forward beyond us as the triumphant captain and heartless harpooner grabbed at the attached ropes and pulled our boat towards its now tethered victim.  Aye, the time had come to complete our task – with sharp lances and deadly knives we would stab the dreaded sea-beast until it floated eye-less in the stained ocean. 

But the wounded whale, consulting with Satan, had other thoughts and turned toward us.  In an instant it was charging our boat, mouth open in the surging water, teeth widening as if to swallow us alive.  The heathen harpooner cared not and stood his ground at the front of the vessel, a sharp lance in his hands pointed at the furious fish.  But the White Whale suddenly went under our boat and quickly lifted it out of the sea sending us flying and grabbing at the sides for our lives.  The whale churned past our overturned vessel and turned back, with our ropes still attached, to complete the deathly debacle.  In an instant the harpooner was caught in the whale’s mouth and chewed into two separate pieces.  His lance still in his hands as his upper torso sank down into the watery depths while his legs floated above the sea like cups of blood for the sharks to drink deliciously.    

The raging captain clambered on top of our overturned boat and with a lance lifted out of the water, slashed at the whale as it flew past.  The whale turned for one last run.  The crying captain, crazed and cursing, stood with his iron-will and his cursed-life and beckoned the fish with his long knife.

“Oh fish from hell.  I’ll send ye back to where ye came from!” he screamed as the whale charged at him, gaining speed and exploding upon him like a locomotive hitting a doe at a midnight crossing.  The Captain disintegrating upon the whale's steel-like, hammered face, swallowed in guts and gore.  

Finally, our ship entered the fray, driving the reeling, angry whale away with the streaming, empty lines attached to his hide to suffer alone the near-mortal wounds cast by the crazed captain and his deadly harpooner.     

Yet, the sharks, still hungry, were quickly upon us, but, just in time, I lifted myself out of the churning water and onto a floating raft of timbers – all that remained from the bottom of my boat. 

Our ship soon was searching the waters for survivors, but, my friends, none were to be found, none but me.  With so few remaining, the ship left the now quiet sea and its field of death and destruction and turned back to the Japanese islands.  A new crew of heathens, hired for the voyage, would take us back to the Carolinas and a life on solid ground.

So pass the pitcher and raise ye glass.  The White Whale, though never gone from my thoughts, is out there still a swimmin’ with Satan in the southern ocean, but we men are alive, mournin’ our friends and a crazed captain, saluting a merciful God in a dank and lusty pub in Durham.


**** 

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Pudgy Me 18: Relapse!

Oh, Life is not worth living.  Full of horror and death.  Struggle and degradation.  Pestilence.  

Why bother, my brothers and sisters.  Why bother.

Oh, how I am suffering!  

The weight is back and back with a vengeance.  

Why have I allowed this to happen?

Yes, the racing season is over.   Did it ever exist?  Was it but a dream?   

A return of the old self: a knock at the door and there it was, a package nicely wrapped and full of the former me, bleeding and in need.  Waiting for me to slip the slimy skin over my shoulders, cover my arms out to the fingers; instructing me to lift the flowing folds and embrace the swollen weight.  I see!  How lovely!

I remembered how warm it felt – once again: my flesh, full of excess skin, just in time for the holidays to fill in, with just enough creases to accommodate the caloric creations and the festive, over-eaten feasts; with pockets a plenty for the wine and the alcohol so sublime – caught so completely in the hallway mirror: a return of an old terror: the under-performing, non-exercising, ridiculousness of me.

Oh, my brothers and sisters, why have I fallen like this?

Now, just when I need all of my personas to fight for me, they have all but disappeared; that is, except for my one, true friend, the Pudge Man.  He never leaves and is back beside me, once again.

It was like I was asleep, visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past.  I awoke and there was Jolly Old Pudge in a royal-red cloak that extended down to his knees, sitting next to me, mumbling, “Awake at last.  I have something for you to see.  

Together, we flew out of my bedroom window and visited vivid moments of my woeful life; Jolly Old Pudge showing me sights I had not seen in years: the weight carried over sixty holidays and on many more Christmases than I care to share.  I saw a young man, slovenly eating endless plates of festivities; sloth-like and drunk, slumped over on the couch; or snoring loudly and slobbering into my over-stuffed chair.  The sights of what I saw and had done to myself sickened me and saddened me too.

Oh, such memories I never wanted to see.

Jolly Old Pudge kindly, mercifully, returned me to my room.  

Shaken and alone, I soon fell back into a fitful slumber, until, feeling a tug at my toes, I awoke, thinking my cat, sleeping at the foot of the bed, one more time wanted fed, only to discover, in opening my eyes, she had grown to the size of a cougar.  She stretched low before me, and, with her black paw, invited me to straddle her back; together we leaped out the window for my second time that night.  

Running through the streets of my current life, I caught glimpses of dinning rooms and kitchens and my friends and me preparing our holiday parties: we are reveling in our weight, adding soothing sticks of butter to our meals, shaking gallons of salt into our mouth-watering monstrosities, and continuously pouring cups of sugar into our three-layer concoctions, and it was all so unnecessary; clogging our hearts and sapping our strength, and not just for the holidays but daily, endlessly, yet laughing for the world to see: come Monday we would be better, or, maybe, in January...

I awoke in a sweat but was still asleep; my wife quiet beside me, breathing deeply, but something in the room was moving toward me.  A shrouded figure of what was to be, the Angel of Death leading me to my fate and the local cemetery.       

Oh, woe is me.  The newly dug grave before me is mine.  On my knees, I see the tombstone date only a year or two from now, and the ground is fresh and smells of fat, clogged arteries, and death.

“Oh, Angel of Debauchery, this can’t be.  Not me.  Not so soon.” 

“--You look tired,” my wife says, moving about the room, heading down the stairs. 

I follow her into our kitchen; it is mid-morning here, but the sun remains hidden behind a mournful mixture of winter and waffles.

“What a dream last night,” I say, feeling awful, rubbing my clogged head.  “A Dicken’s nightmare to be sure.  Gosh, no more pudding before bed!”

"Of course, cutting out the bottle of wine, next time, couldn't hurt."

“Here, I know what will make you feel better: try these cinnamon buns with gooey vanilla icing. They're are fresh out of the oven and smell so enticing, don't you think?”

Oh, I sing the sad ballad of the bulging body; a dire dirge with muffled muffins and muted, cream-filled donuts; I don’t know why or how it has come to this. 

God must be an insatiable vampire, or a cannibal feeling the fullness of the flesh in anticipation of the appointed hour.

“Hey, the gift fits fine, no problem, and looks sweet!  Let me tie it off around my neck, check the mirror, add some rouge to my pudgy cheeks – there, this time, good for weeks.  What’s next, my friends, what's next?"

Oh, no, my ride has arrived: the long, lone limo, sleek and black as night, the silky interior, plush and silvery white, the dark-suited driver beckoning me inside.  

Tell my wife, don't wait up or stay awake.  I'm off to a supper of the choicest steak, a flask of burgundy wine, and for a final time: a slow parade of the sordid sights!  

Oh, woe, woe is me.

Brothers and sisters, we’ve got to get it right.

Send back the gift.  Lock the door.  Turn off the outside lights. 


****